Ever HAd?

Ever Had one of those mornings where you wake up, unable to go back to sleep, sweating (despite the cold), your heart’s racing… until reality steps back in and you realise you just had a bad dream?

Or a nightmare..

This isn’t one of those kiddy dreams where you’re in a world where the lines that separate fantasy and reality are seriously vague… this is one of those dreams where it’s very much real… and frighteningly so alive…

‘Experts’ say that dreams are the mind’s way of telling us something… be it our insecurities, guilt, some unfinished business etc… Whatever the reason it may be… I just want whatever it is to go away and leave me be… I’ve easily spent the last few months pushing the moralistic boundaries to forget it… and when it seems that it’s gone or finally going away and I can get my life back on track… it always comes back to bite me…

A sense of inner peace is all I want.. is that seriously too much to ask?

People say that you shouldn’t take your dreams too seriously.. they are after all… only dreams…Be that as it may… I wish they wouldn’t linger long after I’m awake…

I’d really hate to start taking sleeping pills for dreamless nites…

This isn’t really that amusing.. but I thought it was hilarious anyway…

Ok.. most people know that one of my fav nonsensical comedy movie is Eurotrip…  and I’m pretty sure a lot of the guys in the group can agree with me on that.. it just makes the idea of our trip at the end of the year that much more exciting… anyway..I was going thru some travel books my parents keep.. and guess what I found?

HAHA! Frommer’s 2000 Guide to Europe from $60 a Day! That certainly made my day…

When i was at work today, one of the scientist showed me this article written by a retired GP regarding a patient he treated. This patient has been having chest pains the day before and the GP visited him to confirm or to rule out myocardial infarction (i.e. a heart attack).. turns out he exhibited none of the symptoms associated with it. But this patient looked really sickly and apparently has been so for years… When the GP started taking the patient’s history, the patient told him that about 50 years ago he was diagnosed with Addison’s Disease.

Now, Addison’s Disease is a hormonal disorder associated with the endocrine system. Basically the gist is, the body’s adrenal glands (which produces cortisol, which is responsible allowing the body to respond to stress i.e. maintainig blood pressure and heart function etc.) is fucked and it doesn’t produce enough cortisol or aldosterone (which is another hormone that maintains blood pressure and water and salt balance i.e. helping the kidney to retain sodium and excrete potassium). A treatment for Addison’s Disease nowadays is to take hydrocortisone tablets and fludrocortisone acetate tablets once a day to replace the insufficient aldosterone and cortisol levels.

So back to the story, the GP asked this patient whether he has been taking these tablets to help with his condition. This is what the patient replied…

‘Doc, 50 years ago, there was no medical treatment for Addison’s Disease. So the doctors back then recommended me to consume a packet of salt a day…’.

So the patient lead the doctor to his kitchen and there were boxes and boxes of hundreds of 450g packets of salt. So.. for the last 50 years… this patient has been taking 450grams of salt a day! That’s half a friggin’ kilo if you think about it.. ! However, it seemed to do the trick.. he managed to keep his sodium levels in check (since salt is pretty much sodium and chloride anyway…). Needless to say, the doctor was shocked and started the patient on cortisol and aldosterone replacement therapies and three weeks later.. the patient has never been as healthy as he is now in the last 50 friggin years!!!

My first reaction was this…. WTF?!?!?!?!?

SERIOUSLY!

With all the advances in medical science lately.. you’d think 20 or even maybe 30 years down the track.. he’d at least get a second opinion to treat his condition. Almost half a friggin kilo of salt a day for the last 50 years of his life… this is just negligence at its best in my opinion. This is just bad dispersal of education…

Dammmmmnnnnn……

*sigh*..

This isn’t a morbid entry or anything… just feeling light hearted about it..

Friends… should I die… either bury me or cremate me with my Eric Clapton Unplugged CD..

I haven’t listened to that CD in years… and when i finally did one sunny morning…  *sigh*.. it’s amazing how old Slowhand can still get to you with his poignant guitar playing and his soulful singing… especially his tribute to his deceased son, Connor, with the heart wrenching ‘Tears in Heaven’….

The same could be said with ‘Lonely Stranger’ and ‘Running on Faith’…

How I love the songs of Clapton.. 

I’m beginning to feel nostalgic about a lot of things now…

You are not to Blame,

It was my Mistake

Yet, the only Mistake that felt Right

I’m Stubborn

That much is known,

Because I followed my Heart more than my Head

But I deviated from my path,

To an unorthodox one,

Because of how you made me Feel

I wish things turned out differently

I lamented the days it went wrong

Finding every reason to hate you

But I can’t

Because it wasn’t your Fault

It was Mine

Alas, I can’t trust you

For what has been set in motion

Can’t be turn back..

I’m seeing a different side to things

I’ve finally seen the different side of you

How could I have been so Blind?

It scares me more

To see how far I would go

To push the boundaries of morality

To risk hurting others

To extinguish my soul

To lose my pride

The tables have turned

The cards have been dealt

I’ll be holding the Aces in the end

Because I’m a Survivor

You can’t break my Spirit

I’ll just rise from the ashes again

As I once did before…

Ever Had one of those days when you find yourself questioning one aspect of your life? This is one of mine…

There are 3 things that people say to never bring up for discussion…

Life, Politics and Religion…

In this day and age.. one should be able to understand why religion is a touchy subject.. we get extremist running around blowing or trying to blow other people up.. then we get the type of religion that figured that their religion is better than others..  whatever the reason.. it’s a sensitive issue to peruse.. I’m a Catholic myself and i’m sure like many people.. have encountered a crisis of faith… the fact that I’m a science graduate doesn’t make things any easier.. I always find myself in the universal issue of God vs Science..

But.. despite me questioning my faith.. I’ve always steadfastly believed in the existance of a higher being.. I need to believe that there is a reason to this life in the midst of the surrounding chaos… I guess it’s all a matter of Faith really..

That being said.. I’ve learned that God’s greatest gift.. is the gift of Forgiveness…  I mentioned in my last entry that I need to learn to forgive.. however… the actual act of it is much harder than one can expect..

I’ve recently found myself confronting 2 situations that require an act of forgiveness… the situation now becomes… should I forgive them?

On one hand… there’s someone who has gotten away with too many things and has been forgiven endlessly… I’m considering that maybe the best thing to do is to not forgive him/her so that the person in question will actually learn to grow up for once.. it’s a harsh move but no side ever won a war without losses…

On the other… when someone deals you the card of betrayal.. do they really deserve your forgiveness? Maybe it will take me time to get over it.. but.. can things ever be the same again? Probably the most i’ll be able to offer is acceptable but not complete fogiveness.. the bonds of Trust have been shattered… will the pain ever heal without the scars showing?

This is probably a Test of Faith for me… but I didn’t expect it to be so upfront and this personal…

They say a good bottle of red wine gets better with age.. that’s something I used to believe about people… that’s something I used to believe about myself … the growing process that is…

I used to believe that as we get older… the choices we make.. .good or bad…all chalks up to our experience.. it adds to our maturity and makes us better people… just like a good bottle of red wine..

However, herein lies the problem with that concept.. I failed to factor in that making choices doesn’t necessarily make us better people.. if you make a good choice… then good for you.. but if you make a bad choice.. there’re 2 ways to go about it… either admit it was a bad choice and learn from it.. or remain stubborn about it and let it retard yourself..

I admit that I’ve been making a lot of questionable choices lately… I’ve actually known it for a long time despite my constant debates with friends… I’ve been turning a deaf ear because I’ve failed to see, time and time again,  the reason why I should stop… the way I saw it.. no one was getting hurt.. except my pride and my soul..

Someone who was once a good friend of mine told me to have fun.. as long as no one was getting hurt… I could only offer her a smile of uncertainty… unsure then of how this was gonna lead me through…

8-9 blog posts ago..  I mentioned that I tend to tread the fine line of bitterness and growth… I realised lately that I’ve been stepping into the former… I started to look at the people around me ..the people who have used me in the past and the people whom i’ve resisted from letting in and the people who have actually been there for me… i started to ask myself… ‘How did it all come down to this?‘

How far have I fallen? How did I allow this to happen to me?

A good friend just told me a few days ago…

‘Jules, you can just be neutral.. you don’t have to go full-on evil..’

It was just something as simple as that..  simple words.. not many people could probably comprehend the simple yet powerful weight behind those words…

I need to learn to forgive again..

I think it’s time to mature..

I think it’s time to grow up again..

Like a good bottle of Red WIne.

Despite the apparent care and attention I try to give my body… (i.e. the gym… a good healthy diet..).. There are some things that I can’t fight when it comes to ageing… agility and flexibility tend to become victims of total obsoleteness, inflammation and sprainning of the muscle becomes something to get used to..

Basically.. the whole ageing package sucks…

Sure… you’d probably get wiser… (or dumber depending on how you’ve been killing your brain cells over the years..).. the experience gives you maturity (even this is subject to debate…).. but the fact that the body has a negative exponential time clock.. that’s a bit disparaging…

Maybe I’m just whinging here because my back is in total pain… again..

I try to practice correct posture whenever I can.. (i.e. sit up straight… bend your knees…etc.) .. but at times of absent-mindedness… it just takes one wrong move and bam! your back’s in painville…

I will say one thing though… Thank God for hot plasters and painkillers… i’m pretty sure my creatine kinase levels are through the roof now.. (ok.. that was the science geek talking there… :p) …

Anyone know a good chiro? 

My legs are still sore.. in fact.. i think they’ve gotten worse… you know things are bad when u can’t even walk up or down the staircase…

I’m hopped up on Neurofen… and to Evie’s and Des’ suggestion.. a layer of traditional chinese ointment.. hell.. I’ve even slapped on those burning hot plasters…. I want my mobility back that desperately… 

My venture into Metros this weekend is looking pretty grim… if there is any venture to be had… time will tell… like in the next 48 or so hours..

I just read Aidis’ Blog on the 50 cent concert… Dude! that chick was just standing next to you? damn….

I’m making it my mission to go for Snoop Dog’s concert… AND the after party if there is one…

Think I’ll go to the gym now… :p

Despite being the apparent gym junkie that I am.. there’s one thing I’ve never liked working on….

My legs.

Like most people in the gym…(and yes.. there’re loads of them..) I find working out the legs boring… yes.. it’s challenging when you do a squat or a leg press with the appropriate weight… but I fail to feel that ‘pump’ factor you get when you bench press or do a bicep curl with a barbell… it just doesn’t do it..

My reasoning for not doing legs is this… I do cardio.. I do 20-30 minutes of intensive but at specific interval running on the treadmill… If I’m up to it.. I’ll probably throw in 5-10 minutes of skipping.. (which is usually never…).. that’s sorta utilising your leg muscles, right?

Unfortunately… No.. it doesn’t utilise the whole leg… and it’s been encouraged amongst the gymming community to work out the legs in addition to the rest of the body to promote a ’systematic release of Growth Hormones needed to build muscle’ …

Point taken… (Besides.. I’ve seen a guy walking into the gym with a well developed chest and biceps… but has legs that could give Lara Flynn Boyle a run for her money… )

So yesterday at the gym… I thought.. why not..? I could start it out b4 I go into working out my back.. So I do 3 sets of weighted squats (which is like the leg equivalent of the almight bench press), 3 sets of 45 degree leg presses and 3 sets calf raises.. as expected… challenging… but lacking that ‘pump’..  but the workout was done.. so I proceeded to do my back..

This morning I woke up… my legs felt ok… I figured the L-glutamine supplement was working.. but then… as the hours passed as I was at work.. I started to feel some serious discomfort in thighs… this went on until i couldn’t even squat down to pick up a pen… (and this seriously doesn’t help when your work locker’s at the bottom…)… 

Right now… my legs are seriously sore… this makes walking to the bus stop a bit of a problem..

Think I’m gonne skip cardio today…. :p