Hopeful
I often wonder about people’s perception. Of me, of the current state of the world, of life in general.. I really don’t like it. This has been something that’s more than just a splinter in my brain, it’s more like a friggin huge menhir-sized, sharp wooden spike in my head.
I never really cared much for what people thought of me. My philosophy was that the less people knew about me, the better.. plus it added to the enigma and from what I was told.. chicks dig that :p.
But on a serious note, I figured that my close friends knew me best and they never judged me because of that… they give me the benefit of the doubt and they confront me about things that they’ve heard… not to judge but to confirm and to hear the whole truth and if needs be, guide me back on the right path. That’s what I like to believe.
Alas, it is at times but a wishful belief. A friend(s) that I once held dear to me has chosen to listen to hearsay and not confront me. Instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt, you have chosen to part ways from me and become a stranger to me. You look at me now with eyes of disappointment and self-righteousness while I let out a sigh of equal disappointment and betrayal all the while holding back the tears I refuse to shed for a crumbling friendship that once meant the world to me. It does break my heart each time I think of it, but what am I to do? I learned a long time ago that the world doesn’t stop to grieve with you, so I continue on albeit one loved one short.
Where Lady Fate decides to place us in the coming future is uncertain but I detest the games that she feeds me along the way. I don’t know if you’ll ever read this…but I want you to know this.
People change, sometimes for the better, most of the times for the worst. Sometimes, it is merely a detour from their chosen path in life and other times it becomes their new path in life. As presumptuous as it is, I know that I’ll be fine as long as I have my friends being there for me. Just the mere thought of it already brightens the gloomiest of my darker days. I once held you in that respect, why has that, of all things changed?
As much as I want things to be the way it was before, I can’t live in that past. This is where I take my leave from you. This is the coup de grace of our friendship or what’s left of it. We are merely acquaintainces now. Maybe one day, things will change yet again. Maybe one day, we’ll find a place in each others world again.
But until that day, I plea ignorance and shall, ironically, remain perseveringly vigilant.
But Hopeful.
July 10th, 2006 at 5:01 am
greetings from jakarta! hearsays are hardly pleasant, and it irks me especially if they are not true. u should be no stranger to this, it happens to everyone and its something thats to be expected. well obviously its up to the person who’s heard stuff abt u to verify the truth of it. it always takes an effort to make the first move and confront someone, but if u care enough about the friendship, pride shouldnt really matter, should it? take care over there!
July 11th, 2006 at 10:39 am
As a person we always wonder what different types of perceptions exist amongst ourselves. We sometimes don’t do it consciously but subconsciously because we are human after all. The world has a balance between good people and bad people. The world wouldn’t be right where only the good people existed. You have to agree that sometimes a goodness would have never existed unless there was badness.
We do care about what people think about us. We might not take it the same. But the most important thing is how you handle it. We might not care or we might care but the most important thing is you don’t get hurt by it. We only really get affected by what people think about when we get hurt. We hurt and we think: “should I care?” or “I’ll deal with it the most mature way I can handle”… either way whatever hits us on the face… we deal with the problem the best way possible. That is all we can do as humans.
“…the less people know me the better…”. It’s always good to show your character and real colours to people because it creates trust. You may have opened your heart to someone who didn’t appreciate you as a person but at least you being yourself and you are the person that you are. The more people know you the more chances they will want to share the same thing to you. You may have hurt but at least you tried rather than have a closed heart.
Real friends are those people who do not judge you. Real friends will realise that sometimes honesty is the best policy even if you get hurt because they genuinely want to tell you or share with you something they can’t share with other friends. Having friends is a good thing. Having real friends is a privilege.
Sometime friends do change. We can’t expect too much of a person. We all have love, hate and sadness inside. Sometime we do change for the best and sometimes we don’t, but the difference between being disappointed is being able accept that friend as they are. In both friendships and relationships the hardest thing to do is accept a person’s mistake. We may wander from the dream or hope and make errors that cause a heart to fall but it is greater to take the path of acceptance.
Accept that you had good times… accept there is another person that also shared those moments. Accept that maybe you too may have changed… it is difficult to sometimes think further outside the box. What lies on that side will take long hard thoughts… but maybe you can find an answer… ask something you would never ask or u know would make u feel worse… and accept that there might not be answer at all..
It’s good to hope… it’s also good to maybe stop hoping and accept closure.
Friends come and go. The memories don’t though. Tresure those moments. They belong to you and are part of you.
July 14th, 2006 at 7:02 am
lol tania omg so long
July 14th, 2006 at 8:53 am
well i was giving my honest thought ON it… and plus i think i wrote it when i got home tipsy… lol!!!!!!!!