I often wonder about people’s perception. Of me, of the current state of the world, of life in general.. I really don’t like it. This has been something that’s more than just a splinter in my brain, it’s more like a friggin huge menhir-sized, sharp wooden spike in my head.
I never really cared much for what people thought of me. My philosophy was that the less people knew about me, the better.. plus it added to the enigma and from what I was told.. chicks dig that :p.
But on a serious note, I figured that my close friends knew me best and they never judged me because of that… they give me the benefit of the doubt and they confront me about things that they’ve heard… not to judge but to confirm and to hear the whole truth and if needs be, guide me back on the right path. That’s what I like to believe.
Alas, it is at times but a wishful belief. A friend(s) that I once held dear to me has chosen to listen to hearsay and not confront me. Instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt, you have chosen to part ways from me and become a stranger to me. You look at me now with eyes of disappointment and self-righteousness while I let out a sigh of equal disappointment and betrayal all the while holding back the tears I refuse to shed for a crumbling friendship that once meant the world to me. It does break my heart each time I think of it, but what am I to do? I learned a long time ago that the world doesn’t stop to grieve with you, so I continue on albeit one loved one short.
Where Lady Fate decides to place us in the coming future is uncertain but I detest the games that she feeds me along the way. I don’t know if you’ll ever read this…but I want you to know this.
People change, sometimes for the better, most of the times for the worst. Sometimes, it is merely a detour from their chosen path in life and other times it becomes their new path in life. As presumptuous as it is, I know that I’ll be fine as long as I have my friends being there for me. Just the mere thought of it already brightens the gloomiest of my darker days. I once held you in that respect, why has that, of all things changed?
As much as I want things to be the way it was before, I can’t live in that past. This is where I take my leave from you. This is the coup de grace of our friendship or what’s left of it. We are merely acquaintainces now. Maybe one day, things will change yet again. Maybe one day, we’ll find a place in each others world again.
But until that day, I plea ignorance and shall, ironically, remain perseveringly vigilant.
But Hopeful.
